I'm off in a few weeks to the US for a family visit and a few pre-launch events promoting At Yellow Lake.
Finally, after years of hard work and heartbreaking rejection (followed by even more hard work and much good luck), I've achieved every writer's dream:
And my brilliant publisher's amazing publicity department have laid on several exciting events in my home country!
This is such wonderful news....
I should be wearing a massive smile like this:
Or at least a dignified (and age-appropriate) expression of contentment...
Why then, do I feel like this:
Funny what happens change occurs, isn't it? Even positive change?
And so surprising (at least to me) the feelings that can emerge.
I don't know if other writers have felt this way (I suspect most of them have) but being nearly-published suddenly feels a little, well, scary. I feel just a tad exposed, a bit anxious. So many questions--what if they (readers, reviewers, my family and friends) don't like my book? What if no one buys it? What if I make a fool of myself at an event, or am revealed (and this is the biggie) as the no-talent hack that I am?
The fears---no, the absolute certainty-- that at an event you'll be mistaken for the Michelin Man in a dress or for some poor old dear who's become confused and wandered in off the street (while in fancy dress as the Michelin Man in drag, of course).
My guess there's no way around these anxieties, if that's the right word. This is, after all, unfamiliar terrain and what's unfamiliar always leads to both exhilaration and fear.
So, that emotional roller coaster ride that's involved in writing? The one that has so many highs and lows, so many nauseating twists and turns before reaching (hopefully) the final, thrilling end?
Well, even the fun parts are going to feel like this sometimes.
So you might as well hang on tight and enjoy the ride!